http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml The internet home of Section 8 Softball and those who love them: News & Notes Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:57:25 -0500 http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/017b423b4e4446d417011b51c523adac_48dafb16.writeback Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:44:38 -0500 Round Robin Play __________________________________________________ Jersey's/Mayhem (3-1) -Defeated Impossible is Nothing -Lost to Section 8 -Defeated Snap Fitness -Defeated American Entertainment __________________________________________________ Section 8 (3-1) -Defeated Snap Fitness -Defeated Jersey's/Mayhem -Lost to Impossible is Nothing -Defeated American Entertainment __________________________________________________ Snap Fitness (2-2) -Lost to Section 8 -Defeated American Entertainment -Lost to Jersey's/Mayhem -Defeated Impossible is Nothing __________________________________________________ Impossible is Nothing (1-3) -Lost to Jersey's/Mayhem -Lost to American Entertainment -Defeated Section 8 -Lost to Snap Fitness __________________________________________________ American Entertainment (1-3) -Defeated Impossible is Nothing -Lost to Snap Fitness -Lost to Jersey's/Mayhem -Lost to Section 8 __________________________________________________ Championship Game Jersey's/Mayhem def. Section 8 12-8 (8 innings) __________________________________________________ Drinking Standings 1) American Entertainment 2) Section 8 3) Impossible is Nothing 4) Snap Fitness 5) Jersey's/Mayhem __________________________________________________ A more legible version of this available at www.myspace.com/section8softball http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/3ecb99f0a0aea9ad31fa374901f7cb98_488932aa.writeback Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:55:54 -0500 *Sniff sniff*, You smell something Rabbit? Is it Fear? Are Hackett and Cass "studying" in the Kensington? Is it bug spray? A macho nacho? Did Grgg break wind? Are Phil and Dave cooking pizza rolls again? No, that's not it. I know this smell, it smells like something smoking hot, sizzling even. Ah, I know what it is. It's the smell of a white-hot ball club, wafting over the greater Milwaukee area. It must be the Milwaukee Brewers. What?!?!? It's NOT the Brewers? They're the hottest team and baseball, who could possibly be hotter than them? No...it couldn't be...not Section 8?!? Oh yes my friends, The 8 is white hot right now. They've won 4 straight games for, what is believed to be, the first time in franchise history. This of course includes last week's dramatic walk-off victory. Could Section 8 keep the roll going and make it a historic 5 straight wins? I know you're wondering, and that's why you're reading....The Section 8 Update. __________________________________________________ Nothing could come close to the drama of last week's victory, the 5th walk-off win in team history. But it could still be a fun game this week, as The 8 was in action against Hummer Brothers Landscaping (4-8). The game got off to a bit of a slow start as Hummer Bros. scratched out a run in the top of the 1st and the 8 stranded the bases loaded in the bottom half. Things really got rolling in the 2nd though, as Section 8 struck for 4 runs on 4 hits, a walk and an error. The trend continued in the 3rd as Jamie plated 3 more runs on a sharp line drive to center, that was mishandled and ended up bringing everyone around to score. After 3 innings Section 8 was pretty much in control of things, leading 7-1. But in the 4th things started to turn in the Hummer Bros. favor. They scored 2 runs in the top of the frame, and then kept The 8 off the board in their half (once again stranding the bases loaded). The 8 got one back in the 5th, but gave up 2 more in the 6th. Heading to the 7th the good guys were clinging to an 8-5 lead. In the top of the 7th Hummer Bros. got their lead-off man on with a hit, and then got a gift on an error by Sutton at short. With 2 on, their #3 hitter knocked a double that scored 1 and made it a 2-run game. Then, after 2 fly outs, they got the big blow; a 2-run, 2-out triple to left. That tied the game and sent us to the bottom of the 7th. Did The 8 have more bottom of the 7th magic? Not this night. After a lead-off single they boys went down 1-2-3, and we went to extra innings. Only the 2nd extra inning game in Section 8 history. In the top of the 8th Hummers led off with a triple from their #8 hitter, and were able to knock him in with a 2- out single to take a 9-8 lead. The 8 had Jamie, Scott, and Chayce coming up in the bottom of the 8th, and everyone had the same thought in their mind...Get Lucas an AB. With one away, Scott got things started with a line drive single to center. Then Chayce poked one to right field for a hit, and allowed Scott to make it to 3rd with only 1 out. Peter then followed with a base hit down the left field line to tie the game, and put the winning run on 2nd for Bittner. Bittner was the hero last week, and when put in a chance to do the same thing this week he did not disappoint. Lucas hit a missile shot to left- center field that was clearly going to get over the outfielders and score Sutton to win the game. But it didn't stop there; Lucas put this one OVER the fence for a home run. The 1st ever walk-off homer in the history of Section 8 Softball. Once again, in highly dramatic fashion, Section 8 gets the W and keeps the streak alive, 12-9 in extra innings. Wow! __________________________________________________ The offensive star of the game? Hmmmm, let's see, it's been a while since he's appeared in this portion of the Update but I think we have to go with Lucas F. Bittner on this night. The Bittner was 3-5 with the HUGE homer, 4 RBIs and a run scored. Peter also had himself a pretty decent night. Still recovering from that separated shoulder, suffered back on June 9th, Pete started to find his stroke on this night. He went 3-5, scored once and drove in 3 runs. Scotty had a nice game as well. He went 2-3 with 2 walks, drove in 1 run and scored twice. It was good offensive effort all around. I think it also bears mentioning that all the runs before the 8th inning were scored with 2 outs in the inning. __________________________________________________ When it comes to pitching, Nicky J has almost as much skill as he does with the ladies....and that's a lot. After some early season struggles Horsecock has been nothing short of outstanding, especially in the last 3 games. This week he was dead on once again. He gave up just the 9 runs on 15 hits and only 2 walks, while retiring 6 via the K. __________________________________________________ The drinking numbers this week looked more like the Section 8 of old. The early game, plus the dramatic finish, plus an awesome finish to the Brewers' game, plus Chayce's birthday, equaled "gettin' after it" if ya know what I mean. We don't recall the exact numbers and the numbers have yet to be updated on the CHG website, but it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 16 pitchers and 18 bombs...or something like that. __________________________________________________ Next week, it's a Section 8 double dip. That's right kids, you heard me, a double header next Monday night. It starts at 8:15 in the regularly scheduled game against CIA Goodfellas (7-6), followed by the make-up of the game that got rained out against Crossroads Pizza (6-6). A sweep of this double header would get Section 8, now 8-4, to 10 wins for only the 2nd time in team history. So get out your Section 8 cheering gear and come on down to the yard as The 8 makes a late season push (technically, not mathematically eliminated IF there's a position round game played August 11th). Tune in next week for more high drama finishes, or maybe just a win with out the blood pressure ramifications, in the next edition of The Section 8 Update. www.section8softball.zoomshare.com http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/8435febcb2dd80eb4a0fb2428a08e96d_4859e404.writeback Wed, 18 Jun 2008 23:43:48 -0500 I have finally gotten around to getting some new pics up on this site. The pictures from our Memorial Day adventure north of the border can now be found in the photo album cleverly titled "Toronto Adventure". And what an adventure it was. http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/22a6793a7f54b8a34165dbddb09b3ea3_4859c295.writeback Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:21:09 -0500 Section 8 manager Chayce Sutton received quite a scare this past weekend. With the team struggling and speculation about his job security being widely discussed, especially (actually only) by Scott, Sutton got a startling phone call in the wee hours of Sunday morning. The call came at about 3:30 am EST on Saturday night/Sunday morning, and according to the skipper, he thought for sure it was Omar Minaya calling to tell him that he was getting the axe. As it turns out the call was merely a drunk dial from Shak who was still awake and rowdy out on the deck of the Sutton residence. Chayce then remembered that Scott wasn't even in town and that Omar Minaya has no jurisdiction in bar league softball, so he had no real reason to fear getting "Randolphed" in the middle of the night. __________________________________________________ But, Section 8 really has been having a bit of a rough go of it lately. They've lost their last 2 games by 13 and 12 runs respectively. They limped in to this week's game missing a few key components, including leadoff man Scott Van Lith who was on vacation, as well as Peter, their 2nd leading RBI man, who was still on the shelf after injuring his shoulder last week. And if that wasn't enough, The 8 was taking on its long standing rivals, and fellow 3-4 squad, It Ain't Heaven. It was a big game for the boys, and this is how it went down. __________________________________________________ Things started off slowly for The 8. They led off (naturally, it was the It Ain't Heaven game) and only managed to get a walk in the top of the 1st. It Ain't Heaven got 3 in their half of the 1st, that included a controversial, but correct, call on a ball that nearly left the yard but hit the top of the fence. (It didn't end up mattering as the runner eventually scored). In the top of the 2nd, The 8 finally got a hit from Nick, the 8th man to bat in the game, but again failed to score. It Ain't Heaven scored 2 more in their half of the 2nd on a 2-run, no doubter homer to left field. Things were looking pretty bleak, but The 8 got a little spark in the 4th. Philly B led off with a hit, the first of a string of 4 straight hits that was capped off by a 3-run inside the park homer by Lucas. That made the game 5-4 and The 8 suddenly had life again. The good guys kept it rolling on defense, holding It Ain't Heaven off the board in the bottom of the 3rd; an inning that included a fairly well executed rundown after Chayce threw behind a runner that took too big of a turn around 3rd base. It went 8-6-5-2 on the putout if you're scoring along with us at home. Section 8 took the momentum back to the plate with them in the 4th, plating 3 more runs with Chayce delivering the big blow with a 2-out triple to right, his first extra base hit of the season. Now leading 7-5, Nicky J and the 8 defense set 'em down 1-2-3 in the 4th, and put up another bagel in the 5th. But, if you know anything about this series, you know that It Ain't Heaven always seems to be able to pull the game out of the fire against The 8 (3 straight walk-off wins before last fall), so some insurance runs were going to be needed to make this one stick. The Gold got one more run in the 6th, but left the bases loaded in the top of the 7th. So, they went to the bottom of the 7th clinging to an 8-5 lead. In the bottom of the 7th, It Ain't Heaven pulled out all the stops to try and rattle Nick and steal another win from Section 8. But Nicky J was having none of it. He worked around 3 walks in the inning, and got out of it unscathed with 2 K's and a come-backer to the mound. Section 8 emerges victorious in a nail biter, 8-5. __________________________________________________ All around, this was one of the best games Section 8 has played all year. Seven different players had multiple hits, and the pitching and defense were as solid as they've been all year. This week the Offensive Star Other Than Lucas (The OSOTL) was definitely Chayce. The skip finally hit some balls hard that weren't right at someone. He went 3-3 with a walk, a triple, 2 runs scored, and 3 RBIs. The Offensive Star that actually IS Lucas (The OSTAIL) was....Lucas! The Wild Bittner was 2-4, with the big homerun that got The 8 off the deck, 4 RBIs and a run scored. That homerun gives Lucas 5 on the year, only 1 away from tying the team record for homers in a season, set by Eric Herzberg back in the summer of 2005. Special props go out to Jamie Curtin who filled in nicely in the leadoff spot, despite not even having his shoes on as the ump was calling for the first batter. He went 2-5 with 2 runs and an RBI. He narrowly missed having a few more RBIs when his 7th inning liner, ticketed for centerfield, was snared by the pitcher. Also, much love goes out to Jamie Cimpl-Wiemer, Section 8's answer to Hernan Irabarren (converted infielder that's constantly being called up and sent back down) and Roger Dorn (always un- retiring and putting on impressive displays of stretching) who notched his first Section 8 hit since October 9th, 2006 (in a game he was later kicked out of). He also scored himself an outfield assist when a 6th inning fly ball to right was, shall we say, mishandled, but Jamie recovered in time and threw a "strike" to 2nd base in time to still get the force out. __________________________________________________ On the bump, The Horsecock was masterful. It was, without a doubt, Nicky's best outing of the season. I needed a cigarette after being part of it. He threw strikes with great regularity, and aside from the 2 big blasts from the It Ain't Heaven shortstop/3 hitter didn't really give up anything. Only 3 of the 5 runs were earned, he allowed only 11 hits and 6 walks, while retiring 7 via the K. The 7 Ks were a season high for Nick, he only had 16 in 5 games coming into the week. It should also be noted that Nick issued 3 of his walks in the bottom of the 7th amidst plenty of chatter from the It Ain't Heaven dugout. They may have rattled him for a second, but not for long. Nice work Nicky J. __________________________________________________ In the drinking department The 8 got a visit from the Ghost of Coach House Past as our ole boy Kyle made a surprise appearance. So, the few of us that still remained at that point sat around with Kyle and shot the sh!t about the glory days of Section 8 Softball. It was pretty sweet to see that dude. He extends an invitation to all The 8 to stop out at Magoo's and do things up Dirty 'Stallis style one of these nights. In total we took down 10 pitchers and 7 bombs as a group. The 8 is now in 2nd place in drinking on Monday's, 23 pitchers behind. And with the next 4 games being 9:15 games, it's hard to see them being able to close that gap. __________________________________________________ Next week, we begin the string of 9:15 games with one against The Brewers, no not those Brewers. These Brewers are not beginning their charge to take the NL Central. These Brewers are currently 1-7 in the Coach House Monday Night League. That all goes down at 9:15 next Monday, so that gives everyone plenty of time to shake off any after effects of the Stewart/Andershak nuptials. A full report from those happenings and more in next week's...... Section 8 Update. __________________________________________________ Stats, schedule, standings and NEW pictures (up by the end of the night), at www.section8softball.zoomshare.com http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/c0b1daaf9bf2db3441b8efbb17552b9f_48507529.writeback Wed, 11 Jun 2008 20:00:25 -0500 We interrupt this regularly scheduled email reading for a special bulletin from the Channel 4 storm center. The following is from chief meteorologist John Malan: 'Good day folks. This is the latest on the continuing series of strong storms that will be sweeping through the area. More torrential rain and flooding will be sweeping through the area tonight and/or tomorrow. This will, of course, threaten to wash away anything in its path, including but not limited to: The Tommy Bartlett Ski Show, the entirety of Lake Delton, that condo where we had Vancos' bachelor party, downtown Waukesha, million dollar homes, and the entire city of Big Bend. This is of course a massive tragedy, but I'm having trouble hiding my erection. The truth is I fucking live for this shit and I'm giddy as GD schoolgirl. When there are no disasters in the weather, or at least something that we can play up as a disaster, then I can't sleep at night. In fact, on sunny days I often go home and lapse back into my old habits of heroin use and/or excessive cheesing. So, while this unprecedented weather tragedy sucks for pretty much everyone else, me and my fellow meteorologists are totally getting off on it. Stay tuned to Channel 4 and the Section 8 family of networks for more emergency weather bulletins."* __________________________________________________ Well the torrential rains may have washed away damn near everything this weekend, but there were a few things that survived. The first was the Pautz/Sutton Wedding, which came off spectacularly (see attatchment), as many of the readers of this publication can attest (and so could their headaches on Sunday morning). The second thing that was undaunted by the elements was Section 8 Softball. Mad props to all the crew out at the Coach House Grill for getting the diamonds ready to go (and not just ready to go, in pretty damn good shape), despite the hundreds of inches of rain that fell over the weekend. __________________________________________________ So, could Section 8 channel all the good vibes from these two things into a victory over 2nd place Steve O's? I'll go with definitely maybe. __________________________________________________ This was the first meeting between Section 8 and Steve O's. All three attempted meetings last season were rained out. Both teams got nothing in the 1st inning, but Section 8 cracked the scoreboard in the top of the 2nd on a bases loaded walk by Grgg and an RBI ground-out by Keith. It could've been a lot more had Phil not been robbed of a hit on a smoking liner to the shortstop, with the bases loaded. Steve O's responded with 2 of their own in the bottom of the 2nd to tie things up. Section 8 then got the bases loaded with 1 out in the 3rd and were unable to cash in. In the bottom of the 3rd Steve O's really took control of the game. They hung a 7 spot on our heroes, making it a 9-2 game. The 8 rallied for 3 in their half of the 4th, capitalizing on 3 errors by the opposing shortstop. Steve O's then rallied again for 7 runs in the bottom of the 4th, and after 4 innings it was 16-5 and The 8 was once again flirting with the slaughter rule. But the boys were game this week and would come back to score 5 runs in the 5th to make it something resembling a ballgame again, at 16-10. But Steve O's never let up and piled on 6 more runs in the bottom of 5th. So, The 8 came up in the 6th needing one run to stave off a slaughter rule and perhaps force one more inning. They got that run on an inside the park home run by The Wild Bittner. So, The 8 would get one more crack at it if they could get through the bottom of the 6th unscathed. Unfortunately, they could not. Steve O's only made one out and plated a run in the bottom of the 6th to finally finish it. Final score: Steve O's - 23 Section 8 - 11. Every Section 8 game but one this season has been determined by the slaughter rule (which in the opinion of this reporter is a touch low at 12 runs after 5). And to add injury to insult, Section 8 rookie Peter Dargatz had to leave the game after injuring his shoulder diving for a ball in the 4th inning. Details on the severity of the injury are still unknown, but word is he did have to rock a sling all day on Tuesday. __________________________________________________ Everyone in the Section 8 lineup gets props this week, regardless of their success at the plate. The whole team was incredibly game, and was really into trying to come back in this game. Despite the outcome, it was a very fun game because of it. The star of the night was definitely Sean. He was really stinging the ball and twice made their outfielders pay for bringing a guy in short. Sean ended up 3-4 on the night with 2 doubles, 2 runs and an RBI. Peter was also 3-4, with his only out coming as he attempted to bat after injuring his shoulder. The result of which was a painful dribbler foul. __________________________________________________ On the mound Nicky J (Latin: Cockus Humongicus), was dealing as best he could with the frustrating Steve O's lineup. You have to give credit to those guys, they just kept getting hits. They were able to rack up 25 against Nick and The 8 defense. Nicky's ending line was 23 runs, 20 earned, on 25 hits, 8 walks, and 2 K's. The unearned runs came on two of the more humorous errors seen on a diamond in a while. Now we here at The Update never single out anyone for defensive miscues, except for Chayce, so we won't use any names to protect the innocent, but these were both worth mentioning. The first came in the bottom of the 2nd, when a shallow hit fell into right field, in front of a certain Section 8 outfielder. The fielder charged the ball and came up firing. The only problem was that, for some reason (wet ball?), the throw went from shallow right field into shallow left field, ending up in the grass behind 3rd base. The second came on a grounder back to the mound, which was picked up by the individual that plays in that vicinity and then promptly thrown clean over the fence, into the dugout. They only allowed 3 extra runs and didn't make or break the game, so I feel comfortable discussing these instances because they were pretty damn funny, both then and now. Next week we can get back to ripping Chayce. __________________________________________________ The postgame festivities took on a pretty muted tone. It's clear that the Section 8 drinking prowess is becoming a thing of the past. And with more members joining the ranks of the old and/or married, there is little hope for turning things around. With a little help from their fans, The 8 was able to do 8 pitchers this week. They are still clinging to 2nd place on Monday nights with 60 pitchers, but just barely. __________________________________________________ Next week, weather permitting, Section 8 will look to right the ship as they take on their old nemesis, It Ain't Heaven. This may be the longest running series in all of Coach House Softball. Every game with these guys seems to be an epic. Section 8 finally got back in the win column against them last fall in a 13-11 thriller. That all goes down next week at 8:15. Something tells me that the slaughter rule will not be needed in this one. __________________________________________________ *All quotes attributed to local weathermen are impersonated. We here at Section 8 do not really know John Malan, or any meteorologists for that matter. Though, Paul Joseph did teach a class while we were at Marquette and I heard he was a dick. We have no knowledge that can factually link John Malan to either heroin, cat piss, or any other criminal substance. Nor can we verify the causes and/or frequency of his erections. http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/8557bda70347649d3beaba674d3758a0_48347d90.writeback Wed, 21 May 2008 14:52:48 -0500 As I pointed out last week, in the long and storied tradition of this publication we have taken some in depth looks at some of the most serious issues facing sports and society. Bob Ley ain't got shit on the Update. Well something occurred Monday night that brought another issue to my attention, the issue of rookie hazing. It was seemingly innocent enough, one Section 8 player, who will go nameless, (but for the purposes of this exercise we'll call him "Liph") took it upon himself to hide the recently arrived order of food belonging to Section 8 rookie Peter Dargatz. Seeing this incident of rookie hazing transpire right before my eyes led me to ask the question, "What took so long?" I mean, hell, the guy's been on the team for 5 weeks now and this is the first time anyone thought to fuck with him? Sure it may cause deep, emotional scars that may haunt an athlete for the rest of his life, but rookie hazing is pretty damn funny for everyone else. So, that will be this week's hard hitting journalistic topic, Hazing: Why is it so Awesome? So join me for this discussion and more, in another rousing rendition of The Section 8 Update. _________________________________________________ This Monday saw everyone's favorite group of future liver transplant recipients take the field against an old, familiar foe, Jimmy Grotto's. Section 8 and Jimmy Grotto's (in one form or another) have been playing against each other on Monday's since 2005, with The 8 getting the upper hand on all but one occasion. __________________________________________________ Section 8 got off to a bit of an uninspired start in the top of thee 1st inning. Things were thrown into a bit of disarray when the game began before their usual lead-off man had arrived. This vaulted Sean, hangover and all, into the number 1 spot, where he doesn't like hitting. I know what you're all thinking, "How does Scott, the guy that leads off every game, not make it in time to bat in the top of the 1st inning?" Well folks I have no clue either. It is speculated that Scott, being the prima donna that he is, was attempting to be "fashionably late" and mistimed his entrance. __________________________________________________ Things got rolling for Section 8 then in the top of the 2nd. Four straight walks opened the frame, followed by 2 quick outs. Then Jamie Curtin came up with a huge 2 out, RBI hit to extend the rally. Phil followed with a run- scoring double, and Terry knocked in one more. The 8 scored 6 times in the 2nd and was in the driver's seat from that point forward. After going scoreless and giving up 2 runs in the 3rd, our heroes came to bat in the 4th up 6-3. Three hits tell the story of the 4th inning for The 8. An inside the park 2-run homer by Dave, a hustle double for Dohmen of all people, and yet another 2-out, RBI single for Jamie. This made it 10-3 and in the 5th things got really out of hand. The top of the 5th inning saw the top 4 in the Section 8 order finally get involved and the rout was on. All 13 Section 8 players would bat in the frame and they'd plate 9 runs. After throwing up another bagel in the bottom of the 5th, the game was called for the slaughter rule. Section 8 handles they business against Grotto's, 19-3. __________________________________________________ This game was probably the best hitting performance turned in by The 8 all season. Yeah, they'd scored a lot of runs in their previous wins, but those were largely aided by walks and/or poor opponents' defense. This week they boys were hittin' it. The star of the game this week is NOT Lucas for a change. In fact, I'm gonna try to go through the entire offensive stars section of this Update without even mentioning him. This week's hero was Dave. After scuffling a little bit early on, Davey broke out in a big way going 2-2 with a walk, 2 homeruns (one inside, one outside the park), 3 runs scored, and 4 RBIs. Huge props go out to the bottom half of the Section 8 order. Until the 5th inning, Sean's infield single in the 1st was the only hit out of the top 5 spots in the lineup. Of Section 8's 19 runs, 14 were scored by the guys batting 6th or lower. Special note has to go to Jamie and Phil. They both went 3- 3. Jamie scored 2 runs and drove in 4 (a new personal high). Phil knocked in 2 runs and scored once himself. Perhaps most impressively, all the damage done by these two came with 2 outs in the inning. Nice work guys. Lucas also hit....DAMMIT! Ugh, I almost made it. Anyways, Lucas hit yet another home run this week. This one a 3-run inside the park job, to get the decisive 5th inning off and rolling. It was Bittner's only hit of the day, sending his average plummeting down to .667. __________________________________________________ On the mound, Nicky J rebounded nicely from his rough outing last week. Just like last week, Horsecock only allowed 6 hits. But instead of allowing 16 walks with the 6 hits, this week he kept it to only 6 walks. I know that's still more walks than Nick would care to allow, but it's a nice recovery after last week's struggles. His final line was 3 runs, all earned, 6 hits, 6 walks, and 3 K's. __________________________________________________ The drinking department also experienced a bit of a resurgence. Last week's revelation that Section 8 was not even winning its own night's pitcher race lit a bit of a fire under some of the guys. The end of classes for Sean also had a major role in this, as did the return of many of the Section 8 fans. In the end it was something like old times with the gold shirts being the last ones to vacate the establishment. The total for the week was a respectable 15 pitchers and 14 bombs. The effort vaulted The 8 back into first on Mondays, 2 pitchers ahead of Crossroads Pizza and 3 ahead of The Brewers. __________________________________________________ On a serious note, we here at Section 8 would like to take a second to recognize an awesome accomplishment by one of our own. Huge props go out to Philly B and his kids in the St. Luke Grade School Drama Club. They put on a play last weekend that Phil wrote and directed and it was a smashing success. We are all very impressed by the work done by Phil, his fellow teachers, and his cast and crew. Awesome job Philly, your theater skills are damn impressive (Fag). __________________________________________________ As many of you know next week is Memorial Day and that means no Section 8 game. The next Section 8 game will be Monday, June 2nd, at 7:15 against perennial contenders Paulie's Pub (3-2). What you may not know is that many of the boys will be embarking on an adventure of epic proportions this weekend. Many will go and, most likely, some will not come back. We figure that at least one person will not survive this trip. And being the gambling fiends that I know you all are here is the latest odds on exactly who will be the one to perish (or at least end up imprisoned) in the Great White North. *Sean - 3/2 *Chayce - 3/1 *Terry - 4/1 *Bobbo - 8/1 *Phil - 20/1 *Eric - 22/1 *Jamie - 28/1 *Grgg - 40/1 *Scott - 100/1 *Jon - 500/1 Standings, stats, schedule and more at www.section8softball.zoomshare.com http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/2f390e9b72f732171defb642d66d4cc2_482b518c.writeback Wed, 14 May 2008 15:54:36 -0500 Good day to you all. The following is the 81st* edition of The Section 8 Update. That's right folks, this the 81st* time that someone has sat down and brought you the latest and greatest on the phenomenon that is Section 8 softball. Of those 81, Chayce has written 79 of them. Scott and Phil have each contributed one in the skipper's absence. Over the years these fine pieces of yellow journalism have tackled such topics as: steroids, alcohol, dog fighting, the economy, Terry Schroeder, racism, penile gigantism, gender issues, South Park, beer, music, the many injuries of Phil Belongia, Paris Hilton, office inefficiency, the Brewers, world cultures, Ali G, bird flu, the Earnhardt family, weather, funny movies, groupies, jager bombs, The Toy House, A-Rod, Indian mascots, poetry, and yes.... a little softball. So is it any wonder that I can't think of anything funny to open this week's Update? I didn't think so. On with the show. __________________________________________________ This week, a struggling Section 8 came in to do battle against Ewald Auto, a team that most felt The 8 should be able to beat. A win here would get the guys back to .500 at 2-2 and keep them from falling completely out of the race early on. __________________________________________________ The game was one of record setting performances. Things started off fantastically for the struggling 8 offense as the capitalized on 4 walks and 6 hits to score 10 runs in the top of the 1st inning. So, with 10-0 lead this was pretty much all over right...right? Come on 10- 0, they're not gonna make it a game after that right? Well....ya see....wha, what ha-happened was.... Section 8 would go scoreless in the next 2 frames, while Ewald was able to scratch out 2 runs. This was no big deal, but there was a disturbing trend developing, as Nicky J had walked 7 batters through the first 3 innings. Section 8 got those 2 runs back in the top of the 4th on a towering home run to center by Lucas. That homer was, perhaps, the most impressive blast in Section 8 history. It hit half way up the netting in left-center field, damn impressive. But Ewald had realized that the base on balls may be the chink in the Section 8 armor. That was their game plan as they came to bat in the bottom of the 4th and 5th innings, and they exploited it for 8 runs. Making the one time laugher, a 13-10 game after 5 innings. In the top of the 6th though, The 8 decided to fight fire with fire and drew 7 walks of their own. That walk parade was capped off by a 3-run, inside the park job by none other than The Wild Bittner, yet again. Now, it was 26-10 and that's how it would finish. Section 8 finishes what they started, 26-10. This is believed to be The Gold's highest run total in the slaughter rule era (since spring 2005), surpassing the 23 runs scored against Kilpatrick's Idiot Crew last May. __________________________________________________ Lucas Freaking Bittner, ladies and gentlemen, is an absolute machine right now. He's off to an 11- 15 (.733) clip which, believe it or not, is DOWN from his average after his first 4 games last summer (12-14, .857). In this game he was 4-5, with the 2 homers, 4 runs scored and a franchise record 7 RBIs! This guy is good folks. Any single ladies out there, I suggest you come on out to the Coach House and watch this man swing the bat, you will f8cking SWOON, I sh!t you not!! Watch out Dave and Nicky J, I might be gettin' myself a new man-crush. In other news, we have a tie for this week's OSTOL. Peter continues to have himself a nice rookie campaign with The 8, he was 3-4 this week with a walk, a double, a triple, 3 runs and 3 RBIs. Also, Shak Diesel has come out of the gates hot. In his first 2 games he's now 5-7, with an OPS of an even 2.000. This week he was 3-4 with a double and a triple, 3 runs and 3 RBIs. His triple was even more impressive because he still made it to 3rd despite sauntering up the 1st base line watching his ball fly. When asked after the game why he was admiring his shot for so long Shak said, "It was f8cking nice hit." Truer words have never been spoken. Props also go out to Grgg Dohmen. It's becoming clear that he's in a contract year, because he's doing his best "Adrian Beltre, fulfilling his expectations" routine. He was 2-3 again this week and is hitting at a .556 clip in this young season. __________________________________________________ On the mound The Horsecock was also setting records, though probably not the kind he would like to be setting. The good news of Nick's outing is that he allowed only 6 hits, and only 9 of the 10 runs were earned. The bad news, however, is that Nicky set a personal, a franchise (and perhaps world) record for walks. 16 Ewald batters reached via the free pass. Of the 10 runs scored, 9 of them reached on walks. At least 3 scored on bases loaded walks. It's safe to say that this wasn't one of Johnson's finer performances, but luckily for him and for Section 8 the other pitcher wasn't having it any easier. The 8 got 13 walks out of him, meaning the two teams combined for an intergalactic record 29 walks in the game. Wow! __________________________________________________ In the drinking arena something went very, very wrong. Despite having a fairly large crew, an early game, and a Brewer game to watch, Section 8 only drank 5 pitchers. I think it is very fair to say that we got completely dicked on this one. Even one of the bartenders admitted, "Oh yeah, I always forget to mark em down." T-Love, who made it up for his first game of the year but didn't make it in time to play, chipped in a round of 5 jager bombs for the late stayers. The standings are finally up and Section 8's 29 pitchers are good enough for 2nd place on Monday nights. Yikes dude. __________________________________________________ Next week, Section 8 will be back in action again. The 8 is one of 9 teams in the league standing at 2-2, and next week they'll take on a familiar opponent, Jimmy Grotto's. Undoubtedly, they'll be looking to avenge a 13-10 loss to Grotto's last fall; the first time that they'd ever lost to Grotto's. That all goes down at 7:15 next week, we will see you then. Out. Standings, schedule, and stats at www.section8softball.zoomshare.com *Due to the incomplete records of The Section 8 Update, the number 81 is an estimate. It's possible that the actual number could be +/- 2 from there. http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/cae14f7d81d7afeaebd6e97907131887_482337ea.writeback Thu, 08 May 2008 12:27:06 -0500 Let me bring you up to speed. My name is Chayce Sutton. I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, which is a suburb of Chicago...Excellent. I've had plenty of "Joe Jobs", but nothing I'd call a career. Let me put it this way, I have an extensive collection of name tags and hair nets. Ok, I still live with my parents, which I admit is both bogus and sad. But at least I have an amazing bar league softball team. And I still know how to party! But what I'd really love is to do Section 8 for a living. It might happen.... chyeah, and monkeys might fly outta my butt. Ah... The Mirthmobile. (Cue the Bohemian Rhapsody) Halright, excellent, welcome back to The Section 8 Update. Party on. This week Section 8 was in action again, wearing their old familiar gold jerseys because Section 8 will not bow to any sponsor. Unless of course they want to pony up some coin, then we will gladly bow. The exception to this of course being Sean, who sold out for much, much cheaper. (The paltry sum of one beer was enough to flip Gerber.) Actually, all this talk about it is giving me a headache... That's why I take Nuprin, little, yellow different. This week's game, unfortunately doesn't give us much better news than last week's. This past Monday the good guys in gold took on a new team, Heinz Doors. The good news out of this game was the return of Nicky J to the mound for The 8, that and the fact that The 8 managed to score 5 more runs than last week. The bad news is that is still only 7 runs, and they gave up a lot more. The game opened with Heinz notching 2 runs in the top of the 1st. Section 8 responded with 2 runs in their half, with Bittner and Peter each picking up 2-out RBI hits. The game remained tight through the first 4 innings and was 6-4 going into the top of the 5th. Then, someone flipped the switch and the Heinz Doors bats went nuts. They pounded out 7 hits, 3 for extra bases, and a walk. They scored 8 times in the inning to make it a 14-4 game. This didn't seem insurmountable at the time, especially after Lucas got another 2-out knock to make it a 14-6 deficit. The death blow came in the top of the 6th when Sutton let an easy grounder slip under his glove that would've ended the inning. After that error, Heinz would plate 6 more runs in the inning to make the score 21-6 and bring the slaughter rule squarely into play. The 8 would score one more run, but it wasn't nearly enough to avoid the slaughter rule. Section 8 goes down again, 21-7. The offensive star of the night was, as per usual, Lucas. I think we may have to come up with a new segment for The Update: "Offensive star other than Lucas", or as I like to call it The "OSOTL". Anyways, The Wild Bittner was a cool 2-3 with a triple, a run scored and 3 RBIs. Shak also joined Nicky J in the season debut department this week. He went 2-3 with a double and a run. Chayce, Peter, and Keith all went 2-3 as well, but it was not enough to get the W. As we said earlier, Nick finally made it back from Deutschland to make his debut for Der Acht. He showed a little rust but for the most part was his old self on the mound. He got knocked around a bit by a lineup that absolutely caught fire, but there wasn't much that could be done about that. In the end he gave up the 21 runs, only 15 of which were earned, on 19 hits and 4 walks. He also retired two via the K. Which brings us to the drinking tally portion of the program. This week's tally is a new record for summer ball...on the low end. I think the blame for that lies squarely on the weekend of mayhem in the Wisconsin Dells, and the liver damage that resulted from it. So the fact that Section 8 only drank 6 pitchers this week can be attributed to that. Or at least that's what we're telling ourselves, since the alternative is conceding that we're gettin' old. Next week, we'll be coming at you live once again, only on Channel 10 Aurora Public Access. So until that time folks remember: Come bust a move where the games are played, it's chill, it's fresh it's Noah's Arcade! (For those of you that don't get this week's jokes, go watch the first Wayne's World movie... do it NOW!!) http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/136aa2d8e8bb16a422c3aea03fbf7a60_4815359c.writeback Sun, 27 Apr 2008 21:25:32 -0500 This is late getting posted on account of Chayce being out in the woods. Hello Friends, and welcome back to a tradition unlike any other... The Section 8 Update.... on CBS. Ok, maybe it's not quite that prestigious, but The Section 8 Update has become a summer Wednesday staple for dozens of people around the world (or around the Greater Milwaukee area, whatever). For those of you who are new to the program this is how it works: We surveyed 100 people...oops, that's a different show. This one is the basic recap of the week's happenings in Section 8, the game, the pitchers, and the delivering of any props or ridicule that are deserved. It really helps our former players and distant fans keep up with the state of the program. It's also a great way to kill time at work. So without further ado, let's play the feu...er Update. This past Monday night was the opener of Section 8's 5th year of ball up at the good ol' Coach House. The challengers on this night were the boys from Club Paragon. They were 7-7 last year, but never played Section 8. Every time we were scheduled to play them, it rained. Those of you who are loyal followers of the show know that rain was a common theme last year, but this Monday was gorgeous (hopefully a sign of things to come). They say you can tell a lot about a season by the first batter, and this year Scott started off the season with a pop-up. I'm pretty sure that's a good omen. The 8 gave up one run in the top of the 1st and then went down 1-2-3 in the bottom half. An inauspicious start to say the least. But the defense put a goose egg up in the 2nd, highlighted by a nice sliding catch by Section 8's own version of Roger Dorn, Jamie Cimpl- Wiemer. Jamie was unretired for the game due to a rash of desertions during the week. Then in the Section 8 half of the 2nd, the bats got going. Lucas tripled to start things off, and Dave, Peter, and Grgg all singled and Phil had a sac fly to put The 8 up 3-1. Club Paragon got one in the 3rd, off of an error by Sutton at short. But The 8 blew up in their half, sending all 10 men to the plate and scoring 6 runs to make it a 9-2 game. From there it just kept rolling, and when Sean came in to score in the 5th, the game was called on the 12 run slaughter rule. Final score: Section 8 - 16 Club Paragon - 4. Well, I suppose we may as well get the offensive star love off on it's proper foot. This week's leading man was none other than Lucas, The Wild Bittner. You'll find this is a common theme in this segment. Lucas went 4-4 and was a homer short of the cycle. He also drove in 2 runs and scored 3 times. The 3-7 hitters in the section 8 lineup did most of the damage. Sean, Lucas, Dave, Peter and Grgg all had multiple hits and had at least 1 run and 1 RBI each. In the pitching department, Section 8 found itself a little thin. Normal starter, Nick, was in de Deutschland. Second stringer, T-Love, was opted for bowling over softball. That left us with Dave, the 3 man on the pitching depth chart, who has made no secret that he HATES pitching. The only reason we stick him out there in these situations is because, despite his hatred of the postion, he's pretty damn good at it. This night was no exception. Dave was so on that we wasn't just throwing strikes, he was throwing only strikes on the corners. He pitched exceptionally, nothing he threw up there was over the heart of the plate. He allowed only the 4 runs, 3 earned, 11 hits, K'd 3, and walked nobody. Nice work Davey, I think we'll let ya do it again next week, lucky you. A special commendation goes out to our friends out at the Coach House Grill. They rectified a little mishap in landscaping that occurred last year and returned the infields to a more normal size and shape. They're now pretty much perfect and it makes playing on them far more enjoyable. Props to Jim, KoolAid and the whole crew out there. Those are some very nice infields. The pitcher department was slow out of the gates this year. With a small crew, on the first night of the season that's to be expected. Plus, after 4 years of a wallet emptying, liver killing, break-neck pace, it's entirely possible that The 8 has lost a step or 2 in the drinking race department. In all we had 8 pitchers and a macho nacho, that may have made Lucas sick. I don't think he was properly prepared for Macho Nacho season. I suggest a daily Taco Bell regimen, to properly gear up for the Macho Nacho. Next week, Section 8 is back in action, playing at 6:15 against an unfamiliar team, Jersey's. This will likely be the most exciting Section 8 game ever, so if you're just driving around, looking for something to do, come on down to the CHG and join us. Plenty of good seats are still available. http://section8softball.zoomshare.com/2.shtml/ffa862153f2f7002b4bd1450225f86ae_480e0913.writeback Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:49:39 -0500 Yeah, I know we played our first game last night, but this was written before that. Enjoy. Can you feel that? Yes...yes that right there. You know what that is? It's not a northern Indiana earthquake. It's not the legions of Ned Yost haters firing up their Sherman tanks and preparing to take Miller Park by storm. That my friends, that tremor you're feeling, is the excitement that's being generated by yet another season of Section 8 Softball. The full schedule was finally released today and we can finally take a look at the prospects for the upcoming summer of attempted softball greatness. The 8 breaks camp and plays for real starting tonight at 7:15. So let's have a little analysis shall we. The first thing to look at is the team that Section 8 has coming back. All the familiar faces are back this year except one glaring exception. That exception, course is Eric. This will be the first summer campaign in the post- Eric era, and the team is still trying to figure out exactly how to fill the void. Despite a disappointing 5 win fall season, a number of players stepped up their offensive production to make up for the loss of E-Money. Nick, Sean, Chayce and Scott all had some of the best offensive numbers of their careers last fall, so there's little worry about Section 8's ability to score runs in this new season. This year's lone newcomer (and first newcomer since Dave joined the team permanently in 2005) is Peter Dargatz. Peter has been a star for several years with Section 8's Bayview minor league affiliate, and most scouts felt it was only a matter of time before he got his shot with the big club. That shot is finally here and a lot of the team's top brass are expecting big things this year. There are even whispers that the team is looking to lock him up with a long term deal, even though he's only subbed in a few games. Also, the boys all come into the season relatively healthy. Dave has recovered from his ankle injury that ended his season last year. Chayce is still being bothered by the elbow injury that occurred at the end of last fall, but it shouldn't cost him any playing time. Phil undoubtedly is battling a number of nagging injuries that no one knows about, but that's never stopped him from playing before and we don't expect that to change now. So, as long as Nicky J doesn't hurt his back on that long flight to and from Germany, The 8 should come into the year with a pretty clean bill of health. The 16 team league this season looks like this: There are 10 returning teams besides The 8: Brewers (4-10 Summer '07), Club Paragon (7-7), our old friends It Ain't Heaven (9-5 summer, 6-5 fall), CIA Goodfellas (12-2), Steve O's (9-5), Ewald Auto (4-7 fall '07), Jimmy Grotto's (6-8 summer, 5-6 fall), Crossroads Pizza (4-10), Fox Run/Kral Scrap (which I believe to be an incarnation of Fox Run Lanes teams of years past but I could be wrong on that), and perennial league favorites, Paulie's (12-2 summer, 9-2 fall - league runners up in both seasons). Of the new teams, I'm sure at least one of them is probably a team from last year under a new sponsor. I'd be willing to bet that the team that has won the league the past 2 years, in various forms, is among the teams I don't recognize. Also, there is a Hummer Brothers squad in the league and they usually have pretty good teams. Overall it looks like a pretty even league, with 1 or 2 teams looking like clear front-runners. An honest estimate, I think Section 8 can realisitically go 10-5 or so. If we can manage to steal a couple along the way, I'd say there's legitimate hope that The 8 could be in the running this year. There are a couple schedule notes and oddities. We don't play a late (9:15) game until Week 9, June 23. And then we play at 9:15 four weeks in a row. More than half of our games will be played on diamond #2. The annual Section 8/It Ain't Heaven match up will go down at 8:15 on June 16th, and once again we are the away team for that game. I don't know who I gotta blow to get last ups in that game, which always goes down to the last at bats. Now I turn it over to espn.com's Eric Karabell to tell you which Section 8ers you should look at picking up for your fantasy team. 1) Lucas Bittner - projected stats .600 avg, 2 HRs, 28 RBIs, 23 runs scored. The skinny: Bittner is a stud and a certain first round pick in any Coach House fantasy league. He is consistently amongst the best hitters in the game. Some players may be scared away by his below average (for him) numbers last fall, but he's a career .592 hitter in summer league games. He'd be a steal at any pick outside the top 5. 2) Sean Gerber - projected stats .550, 1 HR 21 RBIs, 21 runs scored. The skinny: Gerber stepped up huge last fall after moving in to the number 3 hole. His numbers should continue to reflect that lineup move. Hitting in front of Bittner should get him lots of pitches to hit and having Scott and Chayce in front of him should provide lots opportunities to drive in runs. He's a sure-fire 2nd rounder. 3) Chayce Sutton - projected stats .540, 1 HR, 14 RBIs, 22 runs scored. The skinny: It's a good thing that defense doesn't matter in fantasy. Sutton is a safe pick and is rising up a lot of mock draft boards after his career numbers last fall. Now, no one expects him to hit .667 again, but he's raised his average in each of the past 3 season and showed to have some of the pop back in his bat that he'd lost after wrist and hand injuries in '05 and '06. As long as he's getting on base and hitting in front of Bittner he's sure to score some runs. 4) Dave Clark - projected stats .418, 4 HRs, 25 RBIs, 17 runs scored The skinny: Dave is one of the biggest risk- reward prospects in this year's fantasy draft. His speed and power make him one of the more prolific run producers in the Section 8 lineup. However, a looming army committment makes him a gamble, but he's worth it if he can provide the kind of pop he's known for (46% of his career hits are for extra bases). 5) Scott Van Lith - projected stats .500, 0 HRs, 10 RBIs, 25 runs scored. The skinny: Real managers wish they had it as easy as fantasy managers. Then they too would be able to have Scott on the team and reap the benifits of his production without having to deal with his humongous ego. Be that what it may, Section 8 is gonna need Scotty if they want to contend and so will your fantasy team. He's great guy to grab in the middle rounds if you need runs and steals. 6) Gregg Dohmen - projected stats .412, 0 HRs, 10 RBIs, 15 runs scored. The skinny: Grgg is a definite sleeper pick in this year's draft. He quietly had one of his best campaigns ever last fall while enjoying more and more playing time. He is defintiely worth a late round pick, especially in deep, Monday night- only leagues. His multiple position availability, especially at catcher, increases his value dramatically. (I was gonna write one of these for everyone, but that'd take forever and nobody in their right mind has read down to this point anyways. Thanks to those who have read this far, and you'll be hearing from us all summer, whether you like it or not.)