Round Robin Play __________________________________________________ Jersey’s/Mayhem (3-1) -Defeated Impossible is Nothing -Lost to Section 8 -Defeated Snap Fitness -Defeated American Entertainment __________________________________________________ Section 8 (3-1) -Defeated Snap Fitness -Defeated Jersey’s/Mayhem -Lost to Impossible is Nothing -Defeated American Entertainment __________________________________________________ Snap Fitness (2-2) -Lost to Section 8 -Defeated American Entertainment -Lost to Jersey’s/Mayhem -Defeated Impossible is Nothing __________________________________________________ Impossible is Nothing (1-3) -Lost to Jersey’s/Mayhem -Lost to American Entertainment -Defeated Section 8 -Lost to Snap Fitness __________________________________________________ American Entertainment (1-3) -Defeated Impossible is Nothing -Lost to Snap Fitness -Lost to Jersey’s/Mayhem -Lost to Section 8 __________________________________________________ Championship Game Jersey’s/Mayhem def. Section 8 12-8 (8 innings) __________________________________________________ Drinking Standings 1) American Entertainment 2) Section 8 3) Impossible is Nothing 4) Snap Fitness 5) Jersey’s/Mayhem __________________________________________________ A more legible version of this available at www.myspace.com/section8softball

*Sniff sniff*, You smell something Rabbit? Is it Fear? Are Hackett and Cass "studying" in the Kensington? Is it bug spray? A macho nacho? Did Grgg break wind? Are Phil and Dave cooking pizza rolls again? No, that's not it. I know this smell, it smells like something smoking hot, sizzling even. Ah, I know what it is. It's the smell of a white-hot ball club, wafting over the greater Milwaukee area. It must be the Milwaukee Brewers. What?!?!? It's NOT the Brewers? They're the hottest team and baseball, who could possibly be hotter than them? No...it couldn't be...not Section 8?!? Oh yes my friends, The 8 is white hot right now. They've won 4 straight games for, what is believed to be, the first time in franchise history. This of course includes last week's dramatic walk-off victory. Could Section 8 keep the roll going and make it a historic 5 straight wins? I know you're wondering, and that's why you're reading....The Section 8 Update. __________________________________________________ Nothing could come close to the drama of last week's victory, the 5th walk-off win in team history. But it could still be a fun game this week, as The 8 was in action against Hummer Brothers Landscaping (4-8). The game got off to a bit of a slow start as Hummer Bros. scratched out a run in the top of the 1st and the 8 stranded the bases loaded in the bottom half. Things really got rolling in the 2nd though, as Section 8 struck for 4 runs on 4 hits, a walk and an error. The trend continued in the 3rd as Jamie plated 3 more runs on a sharp line drive to center, that was mishandled and ended up bringing everyone around to score. After 3 innings Section 8 was pretty much in control of things, leading 7-1. But in the 4th things started to turn in the Hummer Bros. favor. They scored 2 runs in the top of the frame, and then kept The 8 off the board in their half (once again stranding the bases loaded). The 8 got one back in the 5th, but gave up 2 more in the 6th. Heading to the 7th the good guys were clinging to an 8-5 lead. In the top of the 7th Hummer Bros. got their lead-off man on with a hit, and then got a gift on an error by Sutton at short. With 2 on, their #3 hitter knocked a double that scored 1 and made it a 2-run game. Then, after 2 fly outs, they got the big blow; a 2-run, 2-out triple to left. That tied the game and sent us to the bottom of the 7th. Did The 8 have more bottom of the 7th magic? Not this night. After a lead-off single they boys went down 1-2-3, and we went to extra innings. Only the 2nd extra inning game in Section 8 history. In the top of the 8th Hummers led off with a triple from their #8 hitter, and were able to knock him in with a 2- out single to take a 9-8 lead. The 8 had Jamie, Scott, and Chayce coming up in the bottom of the 8th, and everyone had the same thought in their mind...Get Lucas an AB. With one away, Scott got things started with a line drive single to center. Then Chayce poked one to right field for a hit, and allowed Scott to make it to 3rd with only 1 out. Peter then followed with a base hit down the left field line to tie the game, and put the winning run on 2nd for Bittner. Bittner was the hero last week, and when put in a chance to do the same thing this week he did not disappoint. Lucas hit a missile shot to left- center field that was clearly going to get over the outfielders and score Sutton to win the game. But it didn't stop there; Lucas put this one OVER the fence for a home run. The 1st ever walk-off homer in the history of Section 8 Softball. Once again, in highly dramatic fashion, Section 8 gets the W and keeps the streak alive, 12-9 in extra innings. Wow! __________________________________________________ The offensive star of the game? Hmmmm, let's see, it's been a while since he's appeared in this portion of the Update but I think we have to go with Lucas F. Bittner on this night. The Bittner was 3-5 with the HUGE homer, 4 RBIs and a run scored. Peter also had himself a pretty decent night. Still recovering from that separated shoulder, suffered back on June 9th, Pete started to find his stroke on this night. He went 3-5, scored once and drove in 3 runs. Scotty had a nice game as well. He went 2-3 with 2 walks, drove in 1 run and scored twice. It was good offensive effort all around. I think it also bears mentioning that all the runs before the 8th inning were scored with 2 outs in the inning. __________________________________________________ When it comes to pitching, Nicky J has almost as much skill as he does with the ladies....and that's a lot. After some early season struggles Horsecock has been nothing short of outstanding, especially in the last 3 games. This week he was dead on once again. He gave up just the 9 runs on 15 hits and only 2 walks, while retiring 6 via the K. __________________________________________________ The drinking numbers this week looked more like the Section 8 of old. The early game, plus the dramatic finish, plus an awesome finish to the Brewers' game, plus Chayce's birthday, equaled "gettin' after it" if ya know what I mean. We don't recall the exact numbers and the numbers have yet to be updated on the CHG website, but it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 16 pitchers and 18 bombs...or something like that. __________________________________________________ Next week, it's a Section 8 double dip. That's right kids, you heard me, a double header next Monday night. It starts at 8:15 in the regularly scheduled game against CIA Goodfellas (7-6), followed by the make-up of the game that got rained out against Crossroads Pizza (6-6). A sweep of this double header would get Section 8, now 8-4, to 10 wins for only the 2nd time in team history. So get out your Section 8 cheering gear and come on down to the yard as The 8 makes a late season push (technically, not mathematically eliminated IF there's a position round game played August 11th). Tune in next week for more high drama finishes, or maybe just a win with out the blood pressure ramifications, in the next edition of The Section 8 Update. www.section8softball.zoomshare.com

I have finally gotten around to getting some new pics up on this site. The pictures from our Memorial Day adventure north of the border can now be found in the photo album cleverly titled "Toronto Adventure". And what an adventure it was.

Section 8 manager Chayce Sutton received quite a scare this past weekend. With the team struggling and speculation about his job security being widely discussed, especially (actually only) by Scott, Sutton got a startling phone call in the wee hours of Sunday morning. The call came at about 3:30 am EST on Saturday night/Sunday morning, and according to the skipper, he thought for sure it was Omar Minaya calling to tell him that he was getting the axe. As it turns out the call was merely a drunk dial from Shak who was still awake and rowdy out on the deck of the Sutton residence. Chayce then remembered that Scott wasn't even in town and that Omar Minaya has no jurisdiction in bar league softball, so he had no real reason to fear getting "Randolphed" in the middle of the night. __________________________________________________ But, Section 8 really has been having a bit of a rough go of it lately. They've lost their last 2 games by 13 and 12 runs respectively. They limped in to this week's game missing a few key components, including leadoff man Scott Van Lith who was on vacation, as well as Peter, their 2nd leading RBI man, who was still on the shelf after injuring his shoulder last week. And if that wasn't enough, The 8 was taking on its long standing rivals, and fellow 3-4 squad, It Ain't Heaven. It was a big game for the boys, and this is how it went down. __________________________________________________ Things started off slowly for The 8. They led off (naturally, it was the It Ain't Heaven game) and only managed to get a walk in the top of the 1st. It Ain't Heaven got 3 in their half of the 1st, that included a controversial, but correct, call on a ball that nearly left the yard but hit the top of the fence. (It didn't end up mattering as the runner eventually scored). In the top of the 2nd, The 8 finally got a hit from Nick, the 8th man to bat in the game, but again failed to score. It Ain't Heaven scored 2 more in their half of the 2nd on a 2-run, no doubter homer to left field. Things were looking pretty bleak, but The 8 got a little spark in the 4th. Philly B led off with a hit, the first of a string of 4 straight hits that was capped off by a 3-run inside the park homer by Lucas. That made the game 5-4 and The 8 suddenly had life again. The good guys kept it rolling on defense, holding It Ain't Heaven off the board in the bottom of the 3rd; an inning that included a fairly well executed rundown after Chayce threw behind a runner that took too big of a turn around 3rd base. It went 8-6-5-2 on the putout if you're scoring along with us at home. Section 8 took the momentum back to the plate with them in the 4th, plating 3 more runs with Chayce delivering the big blow with a 2-out triple to right, his first extra base hit of the season. Now leading 7-5, Nicky J and the 8 defense set 'em down 1-2-3 in the 4th, and put up another bagel in the 5th. But, if you know anything about this series, you know that It Ain't Heaven always seems to be able to pull the game out of the fire against The 8 (3 straight walk-off wins before last fall), so some insurance runs were going to be needed to make this one stick. The Gold got one more run in the 6th, but left the bases loaded in the top of the 7th. So, they went to the bottom of the 7th clinging to an 8-5 lead. In the bottom of the 7th, It Ain't Heaven pulled out all the stops to try and rattle Nick and steal another win from Section 8. But Nicky J was having none of it. He worked around 3 walks in the inning, and got out of it unscathed with 2 K's and a come-backer to the mound. Section 8 emerges victorious in a nail biter, 8-5. __________________________________________________ All around, this was one of the best games Section 8 has played all year. Seven different players had multiple hits, and the pitching and defense were as solid as they've been all year. This week the Offensive Star Other Than Lucas (The OSOTL) was definitely Chayce. The skip finally hit some balls hard that weren't right at someone. He went 3-3 with a walk, a triple, 2 runs scored, and 3 RBIs. The Offensive Star that actually IS Lucas (The OSTAIL) was....Lucas! The Wild Bittner was 2-4, with the big homerun that got The 8 off the deck, 4 RBIs and a run scored. That homerun gives Lucas 5 on the year, only 1 away from tying the team record for homers in a season, set by Eric Herzberg back in the summer of 2005. Special props go out to Jamie Curtin who filled in nicely in the leadoff spot, despite not even having his shoes on as the ump was calling for the first batter. He went 2-5 with 2 runs and an RBI. He narrowly missed having a few more RBIs when his 7th inning liner, ticketed for centerfield, was snared by the pitcher. Also, much love goes out to Jamie Cimpl-Wiemer, Section 8's answer to Hernan Irabarren (converted infielder that's constantly being called up and sent back down) and Roger Dorn (always un- retiring and putting on impressive displays of stretching) who notched his first Section 8 hit since October 9th, 2006 (in a game he was later kicked out of). He also scored himself an outfield assist when a 6th inning fly ball to right was, shall we say, mishandled, but Jamie recovered in time and threw a "strike" to 2nd base in time to still get the force out. __________________________________________________ On the bump, The Horsecock was masterful. It was, without a doubt, Nicky's best outing of the season. I needed a cigarette after being part of it. He threw strikes with great regularity, and aside from the 2 big blasts from the It Ain't Heaven shortstop/3 hitter didn't really give up anything. Only 3 of the 5 runs were earned, he allowed only 11 hits and 6 walks, while retiring 7 via the K. The 7 Ks were a season high for Nick, he only had 16 in 5 games coming into the week. It should also be noted that Nick issued 3 of his walks in the bottom of the 7th amidst plenty of chatter from the It Ain't Heaven dugout. They may have rattled him for a second, but not for long. Nice work Nicky J. __________________________________________________ In the drinking department The 8 got a visit from the Ghost of Coach House Past as our ole boy Kyle made a surprise appearance. So, the few of us that still remained at that point sat around with Kyle and shot the sh!t about the glory days of Section 8 Softball. It was pretty sweet to see that dude. He extends an invitation to all The 8 to stop out at Magoo's and do things up Dirty 'Stallis style one of these nights. In total we took down 10 pitchers and 7 bombs as a group. The 8 is now in 2nd place in drinking on Monday's, 23 pitchers behind. And with the next 4 games being 9:15 games, it's hard to see them being able to close that gap. __________________________________________________ Next week, we begin the string of 9:15 games with one against The Brewers, no not those Brewers. These Brewers are not beginning their charge to take the NL Central. These Brewers are currently 1-7 in the Coach House Monday Night League. That all goes down at 9:15 next Monday, so that gives everyone plenty of time to shake off any after effects of the Stewart/Andershak nuptials. A full report from those happenings and more in next week's...... Section 8 Update. __________________________________________________ Stats, schedule, standings and NEW pictures (up by the end of the night), at www.section8softball.zoomshare.com

We interrupt this regularly scheduled email reading for a special bulletin from the Channel 4 storm center. The following is from chief meteorologist John Malan: 'Good day folks. This is the latest on the continuing series of strong storms that will be sweeping through the area. More torrential rain and flooding will be sweeping through the area tonight and/or tomorrow. This will, of course, threaten to wash away anything in its path, including but not limited to: The Tommy Bartlett Ski Show, the entirety of Lake Delton, that condo where we had Vancos' bachelor party, downtown Waukesha, million dollar homes, and the entire city of Big Bend. This is of course a massive tragedy, but I'm having trouble hiding my erection. The truth is I fucking live for this shit and I'm giddy as GD schoolgirl. When there are no disasters in the weather, or at least something that we can play up as a disaster, then I can't sleep at night. In fact, on sunny days I often go home and lapse back into my old habits of heroin use and/or excessive cheesing. So, while this unprecedented weather tragedy sucks for pretty much everyone else, me and my fellow meteorologists are totally getting off on it. Stay tuned to Channel 4 and the Section 8 family of networks for more emergency weather bulletins."* __________________________________________________ Well the torrential rains may have washed away damn near everything this weekend, but there were a few things that survived. The first was the Pautz/Sutton Wedding, which came off spectacularly (see attatchment), as many of the readers of this publication can attest (and so could their headaches on Sunday morning). The second thing that was undaunted by the elements was Section 8 Softball. Mad props to all the crew out at the Coach House Grill for getting the diamonds ready to go (and not just ready to go, in pretty damn good shape), despite the hundreds of inches of rain that fell over the weekend. __________________________________________________ So, could Section 8 channel all the good vibes from these two things into a victory over 2nd place Steve O's? I'll go with definitely maybe. __________________________________________________ This was the first meeting between Section 8 and Steve O's. All three attempted meetings last season were rained out. Both teams got nothing in the 1st inning, but Section 8 cracked the scoreboard in the top of the 2nd on a bases loaded walk by Grgg and an RBI ground-out by Keith. It could've been a lot more had Phil not been robbed of a hit on a smoking liner to the shortstop, with the bases loaded. Steve O's responded with 2 of their own in the bottom of the 2nd to tie things up. Section 8 then got the bases loaded with 1 out in the 3rd and were unable to cash in. In the bottom of the 3rd Steve O's really took control of the game. They hung a 7 spot on our heroes, making it a 9-2 game. The 8 rallied for 3 in their half of the 4th, capitalizing on 3 errors by the opposing shortstop. Steve O's then rallied again for 7 runs in the bottom of the 4th, and after 4 innings it was 16-5 and The 8 was once again flirting with the slaughter rule. But the boys were game this week and would come back to score 5 runs in the 5th to make it something resembling a ballgame again, at 16-10. But Steve O's never let up and piled on 6 more runs in the bottom of 5th. So, The 8 came up in the 6th needing one run to stave off a slaughter rule and perhaps force one more inning. They got that run on an inside the park home run by The Wild Bittner. So, The 8 would get one more crack at it if they could get through the bottom of the 6th unscathed. Unfortunately, they could not. Steve O's only made one out and plated a run in the bottom of the 6th to finally finish it. Final score: Steve O's - 23 Section 8 - 11. Every Section 8 game but one this season has been determined by the slaughter rule (which in the opinion of this reporter is a touch low at 12 runs after 5). And to add injury to insult, Section 8 rookie Peter Dargatz had to leave the game after injuring his shoulder diving for a ball in the 4th inning. Details on the severity of the injury are still unknown, but word is he did have to rock a sling all day on Tuesday. __________________________________________________ Everyone in the Section 8 lineup gets props this week, regardless of their success at the plate. The whole team was incredibly game, and was really into trying to come back in this game. Despite the outcome, it was a very fun game because of it. The star of the night was definitely Sean. He was really stinging the ball and twice made their outfielders pay for bringing a guy in short. Sean ended up 3-4 on the night with 2 doubles, 2 runs and an RBI. Peter was also 3-4, with his only out coming as he attempted to bat after injuring his shoulder. The result of which was a painful dribbler foul. __________________________________________________ On the mound Nicky J (Latin: Cockus Humongicus), was dealing as best he could with the frustrating Steve O's lineup. You have to give credit to those guys, they just kept getting hits. They were able to rack up 25 against Nick and The 8 defense. Nicky's ending line was 23 runs, 20 earned, on 25 hits, 8 walks, and 2 K's. The unearned runs came on two of the more humorous errors seen on a diamond in a while. Now we here at The Update never single out anyone for defensive miscues, except for Chayce, so we won't use any names to protect the innocent, but these were both worth mentioning. The first came in the bottom of the 2nd, when a shallow hit fell into right field, in front of a certain Section 8 outfielder. The fielder charged the ball and came up firing. The only problem was that, for some reason (wet ball?), the throw went from shallow right field into shallow left field, ending up in the grass behind 3rd base. The second came on a grounder back to the mound, which was picked up by the individual that plays in that vicinity and then promptly thrown clean over the fence, into the dugout. They only allowed 3 extra runs and didn't make or break the game, so I feel comfortable discussing these instances because they were pretty damn funny, both then and now. Next week we can get back to ripping Chayce. __________________________________________________ The postgame festivities took on a pretty muted tone. It's clear that the Section 8 drinking prowess is becoming a thing of the past. And with more members joining the ranks of the old and/or married, there is little hope for turning things around. With a little help from their fans, The 8 was able to do 8 pitchers this week. They are still clinging to 2nd place on Monday nights with 60 pitchers, but just barely. __________________________________________________ Next week, weather permitting, Section 8 will look to right the ship as they take on their old nemesis, It Ain't Heaven. This may be the longest running series in all of Coach House Softball. Every game with these guys seems to be an epic. Section 8 finally got back in the win column against them last fall in a 13-11 thriller. That all goes down next week at 8:15. Something tells me that the slaughter rule will not be needed in this one. __________________________________________________ *All quotes attributed to local weathermen are impersonated. We here at Section 8 do not really know John Malan, or any meteorologists for that matter. Though, Paul Joseph did teach a class while we were at Marquette and I heard he was a dick. We have no knowledge that can factually link John Malan to either heroin, cat piss, or any other criminal substance. Nor can we verify the causes and/or frequency of his erections.